no 2K12 recap. just these pictures.

you guys.
let's play a fun game where i post a bunch of pictures and then you make up a story to go along with them.

ok go.

so go ahead.  tell me your story.

seriously, grandpa?

after seventy-two hours of attempting to cleanse my system of all alcohol and terribly ass-fattening food i've managed to come through the haze of all things holiday related relatively unscathed.
was that a run-on sentence?
probably.
did said run-on sentence even make sense?
probably not.
whatever.

i have literally one thousand pictures to go through, multiple bottles of wine to drink, and leftover christmas cookies littering my table just begging to be ingested.
and in the midst of all this i discovered that i had taken notes on christmas day.
and thank god because there was no way that i could have remembered the 
ridiculous shit that was said during my holiday wine binge.

i'm sure every family has the resident lovable whack-job.
and getting everyone together for the holidays probably brings out the worst best in said whack-jobs.

enter my grandpa bob.
please enjoy a few snippets of his ramblings during xmas.

"always check for the adam's apple."
     - in regards to the cross-dressing hair-stylist that cut my uncle jeff's hair once.
"it would look like a corn cob from behind."
     - in regards to a part of the male anatomy.
"cody bleaches his dick."
     - uhhh, self-explanatory.
" you haven't been keeping those cough drops by your squirt gun, have you?"
     - in regards to bob's concern over where shitler kept his cough drops.
"it's like a sprocket on his testes."
     - i don't even know what this is in regards to.
"SIN ON MAN."
     - in regards to how my grandpa lives his life.

happy holidays?

high five 4 friday

what the shit, week?

i don't know which way is up or down.

but i do know it's friday.

so let's high-five and link up with lauren.

1. no, you are mistaken.  that is not a puppy in shitler's jacket and no he's not trying to smuggle it home.

2. yup.  bought it.  because it's amazing and i deserve it and i can't wait to obsessively re-watch.  #girls

3. so shitler's family does a white elephant.  last year he got paper made out of recycled elephant shit.

this year he gets doody head the game.  i don't understand the theme nor do i understand why people have so many poop-related things laying around their house.  what i do understand is that this is the most amazing gift shitler has ever gotten and it's  now officially mine and i can't wait to get drunk and play it.

4. i haven't worn matching socks all week.  lay off.

5. so i never got a giant play-car when i was little.  that's some bullllllshit.

but baby b did.  and a pink cadillac escalade, no less.

a dubstep christmas?

QUICK.
an xmas breakdown.

1. nothing says "happy holidays" like shots of whiskey.
2. any alcohol related gift is the best kind of gift.
3. dubstep dance party.  news flash - i still don't know what dubstep is.
4. yes, that one gentleman cousin of mine is wearing jorts.
5. double yes, that's my adult juice box.

a christmas miracle? not really. just us.

merry xmas.
from shitler and me.

ps - if you didn't get an xmas card from us - here it is.
your electronic version.
you're welcome.

pps - let the holiday drinking begin.

presents for everyone

you guys.
for xmas i got you all puppies, and babies, and toddlers.

remind to poke holes in the box before i mail them out.

merry xmas eve ya'll.

 

wrapping paper hell

stopping by to show you what i did today.
i won't bore you with many words because i'm kind of drunk and also lazy.

basically made xmas my bitch.

wrapping paper carcasses.

FINALLY MA!! now pay attention to me.

to quote jesus: "it is finished."
wrong holiday.
but you get the idea.

typical day winter day.

shitler excitedly fist pumping because there's finally legit ice on the lake.

me excitedly fist pumping because i can take pictures like this.

this guy gazing into my eyes.

this guy getting sick of his picture being taken.

seriously, ma?!

battling for mom's love!

pausing for a photo op.

staring lovingly into each other's eyes.

act like they haven't been battling for the last hour.

channeling a demon.

wanna move in with me?

i can at least guarantee it will never be dull.