viva la revolucion

so you know how when people go on vacation and they have all those wonderful things they're going to do in some tropical place?  

like zipline?  or snorkel?  or do some romantic shit at sunset?
you know, like love each other or something?

well, i've compiled a list of things i'm going to do in mexico.
it might be a little unconventional.  but you'll have to give me points for creativity.

this is what i'm going to try to fucking do on vacation in mexico:

1. attend the wedding of ryder and wendy
2. buy a bunch of shit i don't need from those vendors that pester you on the beach when you're just trying to get your nap/tan/drink on.  mainly a ton of those scratchy blankets.  oh, and those tiny animal statue things with the bobbing heads that have bugs in them.
3. go see a charros game.
4. employ the spanish i've been so diligently learning which is limited to "uno mas por favor," "gracias" and "carnitas, por favor."
5. hunt and kill a dolphin with my bare hands.
6. drink the water.
7. get into cock fighting.
8. visit the mexican home of kenny powers; which i can only assume is quite the tourist attraction.
9. eat tacos from the street vendors.
10. possibly battle montezuma's revenge (which might be a direct result of numbers 6 and 9).
11. find the black market.
12. refuse to travel anywhere unless it is by donkey.
13. beg shitler to let me bring said donkey home (and by this time i'm sure i will have named him alejandro ponce deleon).
14. join a mexican drug cartel
15. demand pinatas that are filled with tiny bottles of booze be present at every breakfast.
16. collect tiny geckos in a bucket and then douse shitler with them while he is in the shower.
17. get braids with the beads on the end.  but only on the condition that they are so tight that it looks like i've had some cosmetic work done.
18. lead expedition groups into jungles and teach them of the native species (this is just a clever ruse to get more geckos - see number 16).
19. take a raft out to international waters (i don't think this applies to where we'll be, but i won't let that deter me).
20. get pissed off every time there isn't an umbrella in my drink.
21. exchange every cent i have to my name into pesos.
22. get shitler drunk and have someone tattoo the mexican flag on his left ass cheek.
23. refuse to go anywhere without my sombrero.
24. volunteer to be a drug mule (see number 14, as i probably won't have enough time to ascend the ranks and be in charge i'll have to settle for this)
25. find that fucking chupacabra.

hola.

i have a lot to do in a short amount of time.  but i think it's doable.