will you be there? michael jackson wants to know.

i'm sure there will be like a thousand of you skanks posting pussycat doll lyrics and videos of that one song that i think gives me seizures.  don't worry.  it's just that song.  because, let's be real, i could listen to "buttons" all damn day.  but anyway - today is a day to link up with whitney and erin.  and i think it was something about growing up and what we wanted to do when that hellish day eventually came.  it's possible that the amount of poor choices i've made since i began drinking has clouded my memory of what i wanted to do when i was younger because the only thing i can think of is the time in second grade when we did the whole learning about the sea thing and i was convinced that i wanted to be a marine biologist.  and i think it's mainly because i wanted to train seals.  and by train seals i mean pet them and then throw them fish treats all day.

via

also - my obsession with the sea could also stem from this BECAUSE DUH.

but the problem is that reality is a real bitch.

and i've always enjoyed doing things that actually don't provide any sort of real income to myself.

a perfect example of that would be the four years i spent in college.

are you ready for the truth bomb i'm about to drop on you?

i majored in religious studies and history.  I KNOW.

i'm sure you're thinking "WTF LADY."  and after four years at an expensive private school i'm doing nothing even remotely related to being the college professor in religion that i so desperately wanted to be.  i'm sure you that maybe it's hard for you to even reconcile that tidbit in your mind but i assure you i really just enjoy the juiciest pieces of religious history.  give me reformation history, give me early roman blood-thirsty emperors, give me hilarious religious videos or give me death.  

but really - if i had a class i would show hilarious videos like this all damn day.

so now i'm going to get real snarky here.  because i'm super sick of seeing some bloggers talk about constantly following your dreams.  you know what hinders that?  the amount of money that you spent on an undergrad education that you'll probably still be paying back on your fucking deathbed.  

so i made a decision when i graduated.  probably the most financially responsible decision ever in my life.  that i would forego a masters and a doctorate because i was already financially crippled from the first time i went to school.  and i think that not enough people talk about what a true reality looks like.  that some of us didn't have families that could pay for their entire college education.  that some of us didn't get full-ride scholarships.  that sometimes life just doesn't go as you would have liked it to go.  because the real truth is that most of us end up doing something that has nothing to do with what we actually set out to do with our lives.

and the bottom line?  that it's ok.

so right now if i had to choose what i want to be when i grow up it would involving being ok.

to maybe not live paycheck to paycheck sometimes.

to maybe buy a new car someday.

to maybe be able to afford booze that doesn't come in a plastic bottle.

to maybe have more money to buy trinkets i don't need on the reg.

to maybe own my own bar one day (that's a pipe dream).

but mainly, when i grow up, i just want to be ok.  and i want to be happy being just that.