STAB PEOPLE WITH FORKS

i am in no mood for the day.  or the weekend.

i wish i had a bad mood-b-gone spray or something because this is just ridiculous.

i get to work seven out of seven days this week.  which is always wonderful.

but maybe i'm just overly emotional.  maybe i'm getting ready to paint the town red soon.  maybe the office is coming to an end and while i haven't been faithful in the last few years i can't help but weep over pam and jim in the last few episodes (particularly last night's) and also aaron rodgers was on last night.  maybe i took two dollars out of our wedding piggy bank this morning because i wanted an iced coffee.  maybe i'm just not in the mood for any of the things.  like in all the world.  but i'm going to reluctantly high five some things from this week.

1// this shouldn't get a high-five.  more like a kick to the sack.  because maybe i spent the last week pestering people on various social media outlets to rate our engagement story the best which i happen to think is just atrociously hilarious and terrible in the best possible way so that we could be in the top five finalists.  and then i spent an insane amount of time clearing the cookies on my browser and just rating my story the best.  and then i also resorted to one-ring rating all the rest of the stories.  like "oh the eiffel tower in the background?  lame.  one ring rating."  "jumbo-tron proposal?  more like jumbo-lame.  one-ring."  "i'm sorry but no to your engagement video and also the engagement video teaser.  ONE-RING."  but back to the sack-kicking.  because we totally didn't get in the top five.  are you even kidding?  makes me just want to go on a baby kicking rampage.  but i'll refrain.  but note that none of those stories are our story.  so i went ahead and just banned their pictures from my sight instead of punching babies.

2// get out of here DROID with your offers.  iPhone 4 life.  it's like they think they can lure me away.  joke's on them.  THEY CAN'T.

3// shitler says i have to stop spending money.  but when partylite has such lovely things that have such lovely smells i can't help it.  but i'll try.  that's about all i can promise.

4// baby b just partying it up in the dirt.  cracks me up.  fun fact: the other night when i was up at baby b's house to get my party lite (see numero 3) she decided to pull down her pants and take a shit on the living room floor.  i don't know what she was trying to say.  like she wanted me to just GTFO of her house?  that's what she thinks of partylite?  i don't know.  but i high-tailed it out of there.

5// that face.  like that face he gives that makes it look like he has the worst life ever in the history of all dog lives.  like i'm sorry murphy lee.  i'll stop giving you copious amounts of treats on the reg, throwing your disgusting ball covered in mud, and letting you swim all day.  you're right.  your life is terrible.  the buck stops here.

but anyway.  i'm sullen and downtrodden.

so i'm going to try and fix that with this for my ass:

it's not necessarily all that conduscive for backing up my ass but i know all the words (even the fast part) and that makes me feel really accomplished.

p.s. i need some cat LOLz today.  so get it together and send me lots of them.