everyone wins

i'm certainly not going to go back and read whatever i wrote on friday.

no ma'am.

because frankly the insane amount of pictures that i took this weekend only serve to remind me that i:

a. have no life

b. seriously have no life

c. should make better choices because i don't remember everything about the weekend.

friday was my surgery day to get two pesky wisdom teeth forcefully removed from my face place.

it was like a dream.  i don't remember falling asleep, the doctor assured me i did since i immediately began snoring (to which shitler said: "yup, sounds about right"), and i do remember telling the oral surgeon that i was just living the fucking dream.  clearly.  then shitler had the honor of taking me out in public so i could get drugs for my face pain and also other things that i didn't need but demanded nonetheless.  like sparkly flip flops, juice boxes, and massive amounts of jell-o.

then it was home to the couch.

where apparently my only way of communicating was through pictures.  of my dogs.

and basically i felt like a goddamn super hero.

like i was prepared to go back to work.  solve all the problems of the world.  drink all the wine. 

i was unstoppable.  i even ate salmon.

but that feeling drastically came to a halt on saturday.

upon waking up it felt like i had gotten hit by a goddamn mack truck.  

and the only think that was going to make me feel even the tiniest bit better was massive amounts of ice cream and movies.  i managed to cash a variety of movies but got unnecessarily angry when the dvd for brave wouldn't work.  so WHATEVER i don't know what happens.  because the last part i saw was her having that terrible fight with her momma and then fleeing on horseback.  i hope everything turns out ok.

but then also we had to clean the house.  because shitler invited all the families over for father's day celebrating on sunday.  and let's face it - i'm the laziest piece of shit on the planet and i hate having to do any work of any kind.  but it's ok - because i made it through.  and i officially made myself useful even though i was pain pill drugged out of my mind.

like i hung out with these kids.

and then somehow i managed to snap some of the cutest photos of them ever.

like yes i will pat myself on the back.  because there is no way that i should have been able to get these in the state i was in this weekend.  and also i'm unsure why shitler let me use my nice, expensive camera when i probably would have chucked into the lake had someone dare me to.

but i digress.

feast your eyes.