shannon after dentist

PSA alert: dentists are liars.

back in the day when i actually went to the dentist (only because my parents made me) the dentist was all "oh wow you're so lucky.  there's zero sign of your wisdom teeth on these here x-rays so you won't have to ever deal with that!"  

p.s. it actually happened.  my mom was there.  ask alison.  i dare you.

fast forward to many years later.  more specifically this last tuesday morning.

i woke up with some seriously intense pain in my jaw.  like someone was insisting on poking that muscle that connects your jaw.  so naturally i did what i do best and popped some advil and ignored it.

until it continued to get worse.  like i couldn't open my mouth.  and then it hurt to chew anything.  and then finally my cheek started to bruise and shitler so kindly pointed out that the right side of my face did look chubbier than normal.  so i reluctantly made an appointment with a dentist because honestly i'm a giant vagina when it comes to pain.  with the appointment made i immediately started to panic because basically everything was probably wrong with me and i was for sure going to die.  and i might of considered just being drunk for the appointment but it was at 8AM in the morning and i may not have high standards but i certainly need to draw the line somewhere.  so i just internally panicked like a lunatic while getting the dental x-rays done and it turns out the dentist i went to previously is a fucking goddamn liar because sure as shit my top two wisdom teeth are just hanging out in my mouth although i do not remember inviting them to the party.  and it wouldn't be so bad if they were just being good party guests.  but no - it turns out that the one on the right side of my face is insisting on growing partially side-ways into my face therefore causing me to want to claw my face off.

so now i have to go to an oral surgeon.  for just a consult.  which i was going to have to wait two weeks for because that's the only time they had availability.  but then i for sure had a melt down on the phone and explained to them that i can't live my already fucked up life with this type of face pain so then they magically made me an appointment for today.  i've already decided that i'm going to need to be completely knocked out.  i want to hear nothing and be aware of nothing.  i'll pay extra - i don't even care.  shitler said he's pretty excited for whatever state i come back in and that he can't wait to video tape and make me agree to things.  my response was: "things like anal?"  and he was all "no.  like i'm going to get you to agree to let me buy lots of shit."  and honestly he gets no points for creativity.  because i would totally get people to agree to anal and then just hold it over their head for the rest of their life.  but regardless.  i'm sure it will totally be shannon after dentist and maybe i'll do things like this:

also i don't have a lot to high-five.  other than i mixed myself a wine/pill cocktail last night and it's the only thing that kept the pain partially at bay.  it's also annoying that you can't pop pills at work.  but here are some things i'm high-fiving.

and FYI i almost included all the pictures i ginstagramed from last night because i forgot i even gram'd them.
i blame the pills.  and the alcohol.

1// we're like a thousand percent positive that's where mac sits all day while we're at work.  he's devoted that's for sure.

2// does anyone else just petrified of these things like i am?

3// she's wisened up to my attempts to get pictures of her.  so now baby b just flies across the room in her attempt to avoid being photog'd.

4// took the hounds to the vet this week.  talk about expensive assholes.  see also: they're fat.

5// i.am.dying over this GoT thing.  just dying.

finally it's on to my favorite part of the week.

which involves moving in a backwards direction and also my ass.  and also whit-zizzle.

p.s. i've been thinking a lot about pocahontas lately and why the wolf would ever cry to the blue corn moon.  because that shit doesn't even make sense.  #colorsofthewind

p.p.s. please tell i'm 100% overreacting about the wisdom teeth.  i think i'm just a giant pussy and wish i could just ignore this till it went away like all my other problems.