make it rain

do you ever, like out of the blue, have some sort of epiphany (and yes i'm aware that's basically the definition of an epiphany but cut me some slack i had to work like a whole full week of work this week)?
well it happened this morning.  because it's payday friday and i did a fucking jig in my cube because i finally had money again and i didn't have to play bank account roulette anymore where you like go buy stuff and just hope to god that your check card isn't declined.  which then made me feel bad about myself because i was going to be semi-rich for like a hot minute before all my money went to all those stupid bills and then i would be back to playing bank account roulette again (which, FYI, is exhilarating but just ends up stressing me out).
so i said to myself "shan - maybe you should add up all the bills to just see where the fuck it's all going."  so i did. each student loan payment, the obnoxious cable bill, the frivolous cell phone bill, the credit cards, etc.  and then i added up our paychecks.  and then i did some basic subtracting (and i did it twice because math is not my forte) and i couldn't help but sit there and be like "what.the.actual.shit."  and by that i mean there's money left over.  a substantial amount of money.  so why are we always broke?  and why are we always living pay check to pay check?  and why is that sometimes i have to float that rent check and then just hope the landlord doesn't cash it and then when he calls because it's late i just want to be like "DUDE WE'RE GOOD FOR IT RELAX. but please don't evict us."
because it's the story of our lives.  but then i got all wax poetic up in this joint and was like "NO - the buck stops here.  because i'm sick of being so, so terribly broke and can we just be only semi-broke?"  and for drama's sake can we imagine i'm like moses receiving the ten commandments from god on the top of mount sinai (only not really)?  

because we have actual real-life adult shit that we're going to have start paying for in the near future.
like some stupid wedding.  and also a car that wasn't manufactured in the early 90s.  and maybe someday really put our big girl panties (shitler too) and like buy a house or something.  and that shit is intimidating and probably is going to happen sooner than later so maybe it's time to make smarter financial decisions now.
so here.  here are some things i'm going to do/stop doing in order to try and not be broke.
1. not buy everything i want. like hundreds of dollars worth of books.  or jewelry that i don't need because i'm already hoarding enough jewelry to stock a fucking claire's.  
2. drink at home (more). the possibilities are endless for home-drinking.  i feel like i could get real fancy for less money and just get trashed-face at home.  PLUS home-drinking eliminates those DUIs, DWIs, OWIs and i hear those can get costly.
3. shop the bargains. aldi's will become my new best friend and if isn't on sale then it doesn't get purchased.

4. start a savings account. stick with me because this was hard to type without laughing because i feel like i've never had an actually successful savings account.  but it can't hurt to try?
5. get people to give me money (and have to do nothing in return). i haven't thought this one all the way through yet.  give me some time.
but that's enough serious bullshit for one day (but also if you do want to just give me money and in exchange i'll do absolutely nothing just drop me an email).
oh ya - duh. #backthatazzup Friday!