the opposite of winning a car on the price is right

oh hey. how are you kids doing today? if you're me then you're mediocre.  why? because this weekend shitler and i bought me a big girl car and now i have a big girl car payment. so i'm in that mode where, while the new car is exciting, the impending dread of how even more broke i will be come october is setting in.  being an adult blows. BUT - i figured i would tell you the tale of me and the new car and hopefully it will be advantageous to you in the future should you need to refer to how not to buy a car.
do fill out the credit application before your appointment at the car dealership. do not forget your ID at work and have to have the CFO of the company come let you in on a saturday morning.
do take a xanax before sitting down in the finance office to finalize the deal (i didn't and it was terrible). do not forget to deposit money into your account before said appointment and have to clarify that the check you are writing will not be cashed until monday.
do drink heavily after you've signed your entire life away on the dotted line (my friend forced moonshine on me). do not get behind the wheel of your new car after drinking to the point that you don't feel feelings and forget how poor you are now (relax - i didn't.  i just think it's a good rule of thumb and shitler ended up chauffeuring my depressed self around).
those are really the only tips i have.  and they're not very good ones.  except for the xanax tip. but really.  buying a car is a hellish fucking experience. you're there for like seven hours just waiting for them to reveal how much more in debt you're going to be. not to mention that the eternity they make you sit there waiting just makes you want to bolt at least six times throughout the process.
but with that being said it's nice to have a car that doesn't have a radiator leak (because it's real lame having to cart around a gallon of water and sometimes having to pull over on the side of the road to pour some in so that your car doesn't over heat).  and it is nice that all the windows roll down.  and it's also super nice that there aren't eight thousand holes in the exhaust system so people don't have to hear you coming from like three miles away.
not to mention i can't help but feel extra spoiled since this new car has air conditioning.
so without further adieu the new whip is a sassy ford escape i've name betty.  betty ford. it's both presidential and also the name of a rehab facility.  which i may have to utilize after these car payments drive me to the brink of insanity.  don't worry - i'll check in on account of the "exhaustion" i'm sure to contract due to the fact that i'll have to be constantly working in order to afford her.

we're going to have to do that thing where we become adults and start making better money decisions.

shitler said we're going to cancel the cable and if i want to watch something then i can go watch my car.

we also probably will only have enough money for just one of us to eat.  i figured that one person can be shitler because if i'm not eating it would be beneficial for a wedding weight loss diet.  shitler also pointed out that if i became rail thin it would mean less weight in the car and therefore better gas mileage therefore more money savings.

like i said - being an adult blows. but that was my whole weekend.  just non-stop betty ford action. hell to the naw.