mostly all about nothing

hey girls hey. what's the haps?  have i missed anything fantastical?  probably.  whatever. i come to you on this monday morning feeling triumphant.   kind of like this.

why?

because i've broken through the haze of the viral chest infection that crippled me for two weeks.

officially i'm not 100% better but i finally feel like i don't want to kill myself every morning.

so i win.

naturally i'm going to make the rounds of all the weekend recaps and i'm fully bracing myself to be insanely jealous of all the people that did all of the things.  because i did nothing.

i had the pleasure of not actually seeing shitler for almost like a week.  and it was heaven.  mainly because in my continued haze of sickness i could lay on the couch and watch my shit television and wallow in how gross i felt without him there to shame me.

so are you ready for the inane boring-ness that you're about to read that i'm going to attempt to make interesting?
you were born ready?  i thought so.

friday night i made it back to the restaurant to work a shift and not be a mucusy-sick-piece-of-shit-that-coughed-all-over-everyone's-food (i don't know why i included all those hyphens but i like the way it looks).  i need you all to understand that i work with quite the diverse group of fucking weirdos at the restaurant.  and i use the term "diverse" to make it sound nice because no i don't like all of them.  but i also don't hate all of them.  so there's that.  so here's a tiny snack of a story for you.

everyone that has served has gotten a shit tip.  it happens.  and then you go in the back and you curse that person, and their mother, and their grandmother, and then possibly hex them with black magic.  but then you move on.  because while it does happen it just doesn't happen that often that anyone should dwell on it.
unless you're of course my co-worker.  said co-worker ran their ass off for this table.  and when it came time to close out that ticket the co-worker realized that on a $68.68 tab the customer had left them a total of $70.  basic math shows us that said co-worker received a whopping $1.32 as a tip.  

blows big time, buddy.  

after said co-worker was done complaining in the back all the rest of us thought the debacle was over and done with.  much to our surprise - it wasn't.  turns out crazy-bad-tipping-lady forgot her phone and said co-worker insisted on holding onto the phone until crazy-bad-tipping-lady came back in to retrieve her phone.  upon arriving to pick up  her phone said co-worker decided to verify with crazy-bad-tipping-lady that the tip was correct by asking whether or not her experience at the restaurant had been satisfactory, whether everything was to her liking, and whether there was anything wrong with the service that had been provided to her.

this was me as i was informed of the situation:

because c'mon guy.  crazy-bad-tipping-lady left you a shit tip.  get over it.
in no way, shape, or form do i ever think that fishing for a reason you received a bad tip from a customer is ever a good idea.  fact of the matter is that the lady probably has a black heart that beats for nothing but evil and probably leads a miserable life that she wishes other people (like her server) would lead with her.

life lesson: if you've never served and a server inquires as to the quality of their service - it means they think you left them a terrible tip and they're hoping to shame you into leaving them more.
fun fact: although i'm one way messed up in the head person - never have i ever done that nor would i ever consider doing it.

anyway - that wasn't even the highlight of my night.
that came in the form of mean girls 2 - which i discovered, watched in its entirety, and then hated myself for afterwards because that shit was terrible.  then i did laundry and made the mistake of watching what to expect when you're expecting which led to ugly crying by myself at 2AM.  and there wasn't even booze involved.

i roasted chickens.

i told my mom i would make her chicken salad.

really i made her chicken salad so i had a legit reason to roast chickens so i could eat the crispy chicken skin.  

exciting stuff here, people.

i decided to actually use the wifi printer shitler got me for my birthday back in may.

and by "decided to actually use" i mean i laid on the couch and hit the print button over and over again.

that guy knows me inside and out.  anything i can do from the couch without having to move much is basically a favorite past time of mine.

and then i laid some more on the couch and watched boats go by.  and then i thought about how it was a beautiful day out and that i should stop being a lazy piece of shit and go outside and do something.  but then mainly i just got distracted by revenge and watched murphy lee watch all the outdoor things.

so ya.  that was the weekend.  clearly things were OUT OF CONTROL.
which is exactly why i'm going to link with sami and tell the f'ing world about it.