patience tester: thy name is mac.
i was always aware that we had chosen a "special" dog. so i have been extremely accepting of the shenanigans young mac typically gets himself into. but in the last two weeks he has truly tried what little patience i have left.
the opening act: shitler and shannon come home from a weekend up north. they sit on the couch, watch some bruce almighty, play on their smart phones, and around 11PM decide to turn in for the night. shannon goes upstairs and starts arranging pillows and blankets. it is at this time that she discovers a turd surprise that young mac has left for them. as in - mac shit in the bed.
round one goes to mac.
the first scene: friday morning rolls around and shitler calls shannon at work to inform her that he found a tick on mac. he tells her he took care of it and that shannon has nothing to worry about.
the second scene: shannon arrives home from working at the restaurant on friday night and asks shitler to show her where the tick was. after viewing the scene of the crime shitler informs her that mac has little black bugs on him. shannon's jaw drops and she screeches "FLEAS? DOES HE HAVE FLEAS?!" shitler insists they're not fleas. he googled it. it's definitely not fleas. shannon takes to google herself and obsessively starts googling all things flea related. she goes after mac and rolls him onto his back and begins comparing the googled pictures to his own canine body. much to her dismay THEY'RE THE SAME. THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME. THOSE ARE FLEAS CRAWLING ON HIM AND LOOK THERE'S THE FLEA POOP. frantically she shows shitler her discovery and he fights her on it. telling her that "no - they don't look anything like these pictures i found."
shannon looks at his picture and mentally curses shitler and wonders where his goddamn microscope is because the picture he is indeed looking at is that of a flea under a microscope. after much arguing shannon declares herself the winner and then all of them losers.
scene three: saturday morning calls for an entire cleaning of the house, flea treatments for both dogs, and frantic flea baths at midnight. in the meantime shannon has spent an unhealthy amount of time researching fleas and discovering facts about their egg laying and their general grossness and is convinced that they're always constantly crawling all over her.
the closing scene: TO BE CONTINUED.
because in case anyone is wondering it can take weeks to get rid of fleas. WEEKS.
all the rounds go to mac. he wins all of the things.
someone help me.
the next step might be bug bombing the house.
and i need to know if it's frowned upon to bug bomb the house with the flea infested dogs in it.
i'm kidding. kind of.
