Wednesday, January 22

an update about how hungry i am

hello world.

i thought i would come here and let you know that it's been twenty-one days since i've had a carb.  or anything booze related.  basically anything delicious.  and there's still 102 days left till i can have a carb.  or booze.  and basically my life sucks.  and yes i measure the quality of my life in terms of carbs and booze so lay off me.  because mainly i'm constantly fantasizing about food and/or watching shitler eat something delicious and then making him describe it to me in all sorts of food porn glory.

but i guess 102 more days of hellish no carb/no booze living is doable.  doable but terrible.

so quickly let me tell you something sad.

i was sick over the weekend and couldn't keep any food down/all the smells of food made me want to hurl.  and on saturday i tried to eat a sugar-free jell-o and i made it three bites in before i promptly upchucked said three bites (who throws up jell-o).  so for three days i ate nothing and wallowed in my own self-pity.  and then sunday night i felt slightly better and binge watched the following and defrosted some ground turkey because i got it in my head that i needed to have a turkey burger sans bun.  so i finished defrosting said ground turkey in the microwave and then dumped a bunch of stuff (like an egg) in a bowl and mashed it all together.  but my excitement for said turkey burgers sans bun quickly diminished when the consistency of the ground turkey revealed itself to be more mush like than solid like.  naturally i chose to ignore that fact and press on, forming the mush as best i could into patties, and plopping them on the george foreman.  the mushy patties looked like trash but i still had every intention of attempting to cook them.  so i closed the lid on the foreman and watched the grill sink all the way closed - as in straight down through the mush patties.  me, not being totally discouraged quite yet, chose to ignore that small bit and let it cook.  like "hey self - maybe it's not as bad as you know it really is."  after letting my mush patties cook for a bit i lifted the lid and everything was as terrible as i had tried to pretend it wasn't.  mental picture: imagine browning ground turkey on a george foreman.  because that's basically what i had done.  nothing was in patty form and i wanted to cry.  like seriously cry.  p.s. i should mention i also got my period so all things in the world were working against me.  so while shitler laughed maniacally at me from the living room i sadly scrapped my mushy turkey into the garbage, ate a sugar-free jell-o, and went to bed.

so that's my life.  full of hunger and disappointment.  
and i can't even drink to cope with it.

dear vodka - i miss you and i'll see you soon-ish.


p.s.  sorry about this whole entire post because it's a bunch of garbage.
p.p.s.  the no carb/no booze has been slightly effective.  as in 11.3 pounds lost effective.  so at least there's that.


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24 comments

  1. holy crap 11 pounds?! thats amazing! why are you doing it for so long though? 100 days is like fucking forever & also I would have probably sulked in my jell-o cup too.

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    1. because apparently there's 102 days till my wedding. and i really, really don't want to be chubby for my wedding.

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  2. my roommate in college got sick one night, and she had eaten peanut butter.....yeah i thought i was going to have to take her to the hospital. watching her throw up peanut butter was one of the most terrifying things i have ever seen!

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  3. 11 lbs?! That's awesome! I'm on the no carb, no booze, no anything tasty and delicious kick for another 80 days. It seems like effing forever away. We can do it... maybe.. I know one thing, I will be stuffing my face with all kinds of goodness on the honeymoon.

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  4. Awesome job on the 11 pounds.

    My heart hurts for your booze and carb free life. Stay strong.

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  5. I think I'd rather be fat than diet.I LOVE FOOD.

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  6. i dont know what my life would look like without booze. there would be a lot of crying

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  7. No booze or carbs? That is some will power you have there. I cant jump on the turkey burger bandwagon. It just isn't the same/

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  8. I've always heard giving up booze would do the old weight loss trick....I'm just not that committed yet. You are doing great though! Congrats on the weight loss!

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  9. oh gosh girl!!! you are insane for doing this but obviously its worth it!! :D

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  10. well shit, you're still doing this thing? you might as well be pregnant for not drinking that long...please don't be fucking pregnant..

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  11. 11.3 pounds?!?! YOU GO, GIRLLLLLLLLL. I am so proud of you, my love. So proud and also jealous of your commitment. 102 days to goooooooooooooo!

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  12. OMG, I'd be the biggest bitch on the planet if you took my booze and carbs. Stay strong. It will all be worth it when you walk down the aisle feeling thin and looking amazing on your wedding day. The things we women do.

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  13. You are doing awesome!! Vodka doesn't have carb, just saying! Do the damn thing though girl!

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  14. on the bright side, being sick is, like, the best diet ever. haaaa, but seriously. GET NAKED.

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  15. 11 pounds? GET IT! I'll take one for the team and eat carbs / gain weight for us.

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  16. 11.3 lbs, woot woot!!! You go, lady!

    *Sidenote: If it makes you feel any better, I have 171 days left of this no alcohol thing. And after that, I will be cleaning up poop and vomit constantly. And you probably won't have to do that for Shitler for at least 50 years. You're welcome for all that positivity.

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  17. holy shit now I want turkey muck. oh no wait, I want to be 11 pounds lighter. bitch I hate your unwavering resolve.

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  18. jesus christ I am proud. I wanted to go three weeks without drinking then we had a snow day so I only made it three....at least you have will power!

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  19. I can't eat jello. I just can't stand the texture!

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  20. put fruit in the the jello? blueberries and blackberries and raspberries? or can you not have fruit?

    also... i had two chocolate martinis today. they were YUMMY. hahah. love you.

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c'mon.
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