VD DAY. ER, V-Day

well it's v-day. in my mind i see VD day.  and i guess that's gross but it makes me laugh so i'm going to keep that.
aside from all the normal people hating v-day for all the normal reasons i hate it more-so because i'm forced to work at the shithole restaurant.  last year v-day landed on a day of the week i don't normally work (like thursday or some bullshit) so i was forced to give up a weeknight to wait tables and it made me rage hate v-day more than i normally do.  this year, v-day lands on a friday, which for all intents and purposes shouldn't make me so hateful.  but it does.  because a normal busy friday night is filled with parties and large bills and bigger tips.  but tonight it will be filled with two-tops (tables of two for those of you not in the biz) and the whole night will just be me and my fellow co-horts getting deuced to death with tabs no more than fifty doll hairs.
and the worst thing is that i can't go home after my shift and drink till i can't feel feelings and binge eat cheese fries.  instead i'll just eat steamed green beans and chug water till i "break the seal" and start going to the bathroom every five minutes and then in my mind i'll pretend i'm drunk and then i'll go in search of my mood health pills, take some, and pass out with robin hood: men in tights on in the background.
and that, ladies and gentleman, is how you do a sober, on-a-diet v-day.
p.s. i'm toying around with the idea of printing these out and casually handing them out to all the skanks tonight.

also this song.

on repeat.  with whit.