dudes that hit on you

hey guys. i decided to try and show up to class today.  i can't guarantee that anything of quality will come out of this because i've been trying to take a decent poop all morning and it's really all i can think of.
but mainly i just want to talk about getting hit on.   because i'm like really bad at it and tend to not even know it's happening.  
so my bachelorette party was this weekend.  and basically i was excited to drink everything in sight but then also being terrified that i would get sick and also gain ten pounds because HELLO CARBOHYDRATES HOW YOU VEX ME SO.  
but anyway saturday night was the going out and the night where you had to be around men and someone asked me if i got hit on a ton and i was all "ummm, not that i really recall."
because even if it had happened i always feel like a hummingbird when i'm a bar just flitting from one friend to the next, drinking things, and living in my own world.  like this.  

so dudes just typically aren't even on my radar.   and after this weekend i feel like there's two types of dudes that hit on things with vaginas.
dance floor predators fast forward to me dancing by myself, and terribly mind you, and suddenly i'm caged in by a tall male and there's a denim trunk banging against my rump and none of it is appealing.
because first i'm not used to tall things.  i ring in it at a midget-sized 5' 1" and shitler maxes out at 5' 6" and we're basically the perfect match - vertically speaking.  but i digress because this giant's arms suddenly became a flesh cage and my backside felt violated and then he decided to ice the cake by serenading me with whatever terrible rap song was playing at that moment.  and it was then that i decided that the hot breath of a strange man singing sisquo-like songs in my ear is where i draw the motherfucking line and i bunny hopped away.
a good dancer i am not.
grasping at straws, last chance predators it seems fitting that our night out at the bar would draw to a close with rain.  as in "raining cats and dogs," "sheets of rain," a "downpour," if you will.  but it was in that moment while i cradled a friend like a baby as she sobbed uncontrollably into my shoulder that i stumbled (due to the dead weight of said cradled friend) and almost fell into a boy standing close to me.  being the well-mannered person i am i apologized for almost falling into him and turned my attention back to whispering that "everything will be okay" to my friend.  it was in that moment that i felt a strange hand creep up the back of my dress and firmly cradle my right butt-cheek.  and it was the exact last thing that i needed while i stood in the pouring rain so i turned to him and said "could you please not grab my ass?  i appreciate the sentiment, sir, but kindly just don't."  and i think i confused him because his hand lingered on my ass cheek for like a thousand beats too long and his face looked confused but then he finally stopped with the rear grabbing and i could go back to enjoying being a drowned rat.
i'm sure i'm missing like a thousand other types of getting hit but those are the only two that happened to me and are therefore pretty much my favorite.
but good times were had by all.  here's evidence of that.

p.s. i'm sure you're all wondering about my poop and i just thought i should mention that i have taken said poop since beginning this post and it was a wonderful colon-cleansing poop.