may the fourth be with you

so may was a weird month. and by weird i mean things happened. and by things happened i mean i got motherfucking married. and i say it's weird because after being with shitler for almost fourteen years it's weird to not have a boyfriend anymore.  and it seemed like it was such a short time that i had a "fiance."
and having one of those was weird too.  and now i have a dude that i have to call "husband."
and it seems foreign and weird to say and it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue quite that nice.
because when you so constantly use the phrase "my boyfriend" for over a decade it's crazy abnormal to say "my husband" and for the most part since it's happened i'll start to say "my hus-err-umm, tom" and then people just assume i'm remedial.  which is fine.  so really for real i don't know how this goes.  i changed my last name on facebook.  and it literally only just affected things on facebook.  which is rude because i thought facebook controlled everything and that if i just made the change there at would extend to everything that needed to be changed.  like major credit cards, social security card, tax documents, etc. etc. etc.  and then last night when shitler asked if i had changed my name yet i just responded with "no.  it's a lot of work.  can you just do it for me?"  and then he agreed to.  but i actually don't know if it's possible for him to do it all for me and he was just saying that to placate me.  
so a wedding post is what you get today. and whether you like it or not you're going to read this and look at the pictures and leave me comments telling me how adorable i am and ZOMG CONGRATULATIONS SHANNON.  you don't have to like it but you will do it.
p.s. this was a wedding on a budget.  so instead of shelling out thousands of dollars to have a photographer follow me around all day and take pictures of me looking like shit in the morning and getting my hair done for like an hour we opted to pay for the cheapest guy we could find.
which was $507 for one hour.  so while other girls have all kinds of shots of themselves in black and white looking pensive and reflective and semi-cry-facing i was drinking champagne, watching pitch perfect, and eating french fries while i got ready for my wedding.
thank god there's no pictures of that.
here's me and my dad.  his name is gary and he's kind of a hard-ass and i don't think there's one picture of him like full on smiling for the entire wedding.  but there is one of him semi-smirking so at least there's that.
two fun facts about me and my dad.  one time he wouldn't let me do something that a ten year old so desperately thought she needed to do and so i very haughtily called him a disciplinarian at the dinner table.  and i felt super smug about it because my parents were shocked that i knew that word and also used it correctly but then my dad was basically like "well if the shoe fits" and still wouldn't let me do whatever it was that i wanted to do.  second fun fact.  i read all the damn time as a kid and i think there's a strong possibility that my parents didn't exactly know how much i read and maybe how much i knew so when my dad didn't go to work one day and then looked a little worse for wear at the dinner table later on that night he casually mentioned to my mother about the whole "getting snipped takes a lot out of a guy."
and when my brothers were confused i very politely informed everyone that "DAD GOT A VASECTOMY."  and then my parents had a lot of explaining to do.  that's it for the fun facts.

LOOK AT SHITLER'S MANE JUST BLOWING THE WIND.

cracks me up. 

i posted a while ago about how we had a friend marry us.  talk about the best kind of decision.

our guy got ordained online and insisted on buying and wearing a shirt that read "MINISTER."
and oftentimes while we were out he would refer to himself as the reverend. and i think his wife absolutely loved him being an online ordained minister more than he did but she constantly referred to herself as the "reverend's wife."  and it was mainly in the following way: "the reverend's wife would really like another captains and diet."

another fun fact.  shitler and i have dated for so long.  like high school long.  so there was a point that my dad wasn't a huge shitler fan.  and it for sure started in high school.  like what dad is going to be crazy about some sass-mouthed kid dating his only daughter?  but the running joke was always that my dad didn't like shitler but we moreso thought it was endearing than anything else.  but after a while, like years and years and years, we figured that shitler eventually grew on my dad.  like a fungus.  until one time about four or five years ago when my dad mentioned that he had just played a round of golf with a family friend who had a son that i grew up with.  my dad felt it necessary to mention that said son was a navy seal and also a surgeon and he could get me his number if i wanted.  and of course i really didn't have a response to that other than just be completely dumbfounded that my dad was trying to set up me up with other men when i was very clearly still with shitler.  like living with shitler and having dog children with shitler.  so naturally the running joke everywhere we go is that "there's always the surgeon" whenever shitler does something questionable and/or pisses me off.  and the point to that ramble is that our reverend friend totally mentioned the surgeon in the ceremony and i died laughing.  so did my bridesmaids.

that one right up there is my favorite one because it for sure looks like i'm bracing myself to get decked in the face.  and shitler looks like he's certainly up to the task after many years of putting up with my bullshit.

there's shitler just forcing that kiss on me.
good god man.  he pounced before i could even process anything and now the picture of our first kiss is just hilarious looking.

the lincolns.  in all their mother f'ing lincoln glory.

this was exhausting to write.

so FYI there will be other wedding posts and everyone will just need to deal with it.

also - totally not planned but it is wednesday so ZOMG WEDDING WEDNESDAY.

lame: party of one.