shit show weddings are the best weddings

this is something new for me. this is a post that i wrote like not the same day that i published it.  which is weird.  and also makes me feel like i have my shit together.  which we all know is a goddamn lie.  but here we are.  and with another wedding post no less.  also - i've had like a half bottle of wine so if things get weirder than normal and also nonsensical then you'll know why.  also i'm attempting to do laundry.  so three cheers for being like slightly domestic.  CHEERS HOES.
ok so anyway.  if you're new here let me give you a recap. my name is shannon.  i married shitler in may after being in an eternity relationship for like forever.  and by forever i mean thirteen or fourteen years.  sometimes i lose count and go like two years with telling people we've been together for twelve years so i'm not actually sure how long.  whatever.
i wrote a post about my mexican beach wedding and you can read about it here.    i also posted some initial pictures.  like mainly of me walking down the aisle and also of the actual ceremony.  i even shared some anecdotes.  so i would start with that initial post and then maybe come back here for the continuation of that shit show.
firstly (which i didn't think was a word until i typed it and nothing correct me so go figure) i would like to give you a peek into how the wheels are turning in my brain when i see other wedding things and/or read other engagement and wedding stories.
you begged and whined when you didn't get a proposal that coincided with your weird timeline. how embarrassing for you.
you spent an obscene amount of money on one day and more specifically on things like mason jars. were you high?
you cried when things didn't go according to your perfect wedding plan. you're pathetic.
my face in general when i think about "traditional" weddings.

but that's neither here nor there.  because today i'm going to show you some pictures of like right after the fifteen minute non-religious ceremony where our "minister" mentioned me still having a chance with a surgeon.  a surgeon that is surely not shitler.  obviously.

quick aside.  nothing makes for a better wedding story then being able to tell people that one of your bridesmaids got drunk (though she still denies it), put her dress on backwards (and it took shitler figuring it out to get it fixed), walked almost down the aisle with the tags still on her shoes, and for sure walked down the aisle with my bridal bouquet.  like the bouquet with my monogrammed initials on it and everything.
hashtag memories.

because back to the whole top portion of this post where all wedding-obsessed girls are all ZOMG perfect wedding everything because hello you basic boring bitch what is even the point?

i'm sorry.  things got off track.  you were probably drinking out of a paper straw.
welcome back, i hate you, paper straw drinkers.

but anyway wedding stuff.

brides and their perfect everything.  because i had none of that and it was wonderful.

because sometimes there are the girls that just want the absolute perfect picture ever.

and then sometimes when you're in mexico the federales happen to pass by and your drunk-ish bridesmaid that put her bridesmaid dress on backwards and walked your bridal bouquet down the aisle happens to scamper up to them and ask them to take a picture with you.  and they do.
and then when you show the pictures to other people, like the mexican sushi chef that works at the restaurant, and he politely tells you that there's a fifty percent chance they were part of a mexican drug cartel and that i could have been
kidnapped and then i laughed.  but he was serious.  and obviously i wasn't kidnapped.  so crisis averted.

but anyway - one of my favorite pictures ever below.

but honestly - who even wants the most perfect of everything when can just have the most ridiculous?  and then you can know that everything was so absolutely perfect in all its ridiculousness.  

because when you walk down the aisle to the best dave matthews band song in all the land to the very best person in the whole entire world for you surrounded by all the best people that made the huge and most appreciated effort to fly down and be a part of your day then you know that everything is as it should be.

quick recap:

walked down the aisle to: "i'll back you up" by dave matthews band
walked down the aisle after being declared mr. & mrs. to "the idea of you" by dave matthews band

there were no mason jars, paper straws, or expensive nonsense

i didn't wear shoes because fuck shoes

people were drunk

everything was exactly as it should have been.

also this because GIMME THE CHAMPAGNE I DO NOT LIKE BEING SOBER