sometimes weekends are mean

oh hai. we meet again.  and on a monday.  a monday that involved me waking up late (as per usual), not showering (also typical), and kind of wandering around the house like a zombie trying to get my shit together so i could get to work on time.
the weekend was total shit.  because it's weekends where you have to cram two restaurant shifts, running, a birthday party, frantically finishing orange is the new black, and also trying to get your lazy on that make you hate everything because really all you wanted to do was hang out in a dark place with your kindle smut (i realize that i might be the only person out there that considers being by myself in the dark with porn-y type books to be normal and also preferred but that's fine and i'll own it).
on weekends that i work shitler just sits at home on his ass watching netflix and binge eating ice cream treats and it fills me with so much rage that i consider punching restaurant patrons in the face.  and naturally - friday was no different.  and it's even worse when he posts lame facebook status updates because i consider it to be a personal affront. 

and when i arrived home at 12:15AM after a brutal sixteen hour work day shitler was still watching friday night lights.  and i think it's fair to say that i'm not sure which one of us drools over that tim riggins character more.  but that's neither here nor there.  because i called it a night so i could get up early-ish and get some mile-running in.  and after 7.5 miles completed i just couldn't even wrap my brain around marathon runners and also people that enjoy it because i prayed for death every step of the way.  and then after i ran we decided that we should return things from our wedding party and also find shitler a new wedding band since the noob that initially ring sized him didn't know what the acutal shit he was doing and shitler's ring would just like fall the fuck off.  so after running 7.5 miles i got to do more walking around and then i had the pleasure of working a restaurant shift where it felt like my legs were actually going to fall off and everyone tipped like shit so the night was a total bust.  but then we went to a birthday party and shitler selfied on my phone by spinning himself in a circle like eleven times and just snapping pictures the whole time.  and then someone was taking a picture of us shitler was clearly doing other things.  like taking more selfies.

and then i got drunk.  like real drunk.

like decided it was appropriate to try and find my brother a girlfriend by asking girls at the bar if they had boyfriends and/or husbands and shitler was like "you can't just ask people that" and i was like "why not?  i'm just cutting right to the chase."  and i think he maybe thought i was going to get my ass kicked but whatever.  and then we went home and i was the type of drunk that wakes up with their underwear on inside and drinks gallons of water in bed while eating toast with all the blinds drawn waching forgetting sarah marshall and loving the part when mila kunis yells "DRACULA MUSICAL" but like "shhhh mila don't yell 'dracula musical' so damn loud."

and that was it.  because the only productive thing that i did yesterday was move from my bed to my couch.  oh and i fixed my underwear and also put on a shirt.

and in other news i literally cannot stop losing my shit over this damn song.