indoor polar whore-tex

you know how you know it's frigid in your house?
when you accidentally leave a bag of sliced green peppers in your purse over night and in the morning you crunch away on them as if they've lived in the fridge all night.
when shitler foregoes drinking a beer and asks you if you'll make him tea.
when you don't weep during parenthood because your tear ducts are probably frozen.
when cold air seeps into your house via the outlets in the newly constructed room because the hacks that did the job didn't caulk properly.
when you wear all your outside clothes indoors.  i.e. layers on layers on layers.  see also: scarf, hat, and mittens.
when your thermostat doesn't budge past fifty-five degrees and the weather person says that outside is negative ten but windchill makes it feel like negative twenty-six.  #wonderful
when your faucet struggles to produce water in liquid form and makes questionable noises.
when shitler doesn't sleep in the nude because it's that cold in the house (you would think all his fur would keep him toasty warm but alas it apparently does not).

p.s. someone come spoon me.  i'll pay you handsomely; in mac hugs and the beer that shitler isn't drinking.