compromises

i wrote half a post about the book that i said i would talk about. but then i hated half of the half of a post i wrote and didn't feel like doing anything to make me hate it any less.  so naturally i bailed and posted nothing on wednesday like i said i was going to try super hard to do.  and now it's thursday and of course i came here and stared at the taunting cursor and absolutely was going to fix the book post that i half-hated but then didn't have the motivation so naturally i looked at my phone and forgot that i had given shitler all his birthday presents a week early.  and i also forgot that it wasn't too long ago that shitler said i was terrible at giving him presents. but he can no longer say that.
BECAUSE I GAVE HIM THIS.

A MACHETE.  

take THAT shitler and your accusations that i give terrible gifts!  huzzah!

also it was totally a deal.  $32 on amazon?  DEAL.

and also yesterday morning shitler got mad at me and accused me of spending too much money and that every day he comes home and there's a new package.  and i was like "that's not true."  and then when we came home later that night there was a package from partylite waiting by the door and he just turned and shot me a dirty look.  thanks a lot, partylite.

but also i ordered some delightful legwarmers from groopdealz last week and my inner commentary was all "shit when those get delivered it will not help my case about how i totally don't spend too much money and also that there isn't something new delivered every day."  and then the following textual conversation happened and all was right in the world because compromising works.

and i'm totally going to work on un-hating that book post.

holler back.

a monday mish mash.

ahhh monday. we meet again. i'm feeling quite shaky, and no it's not alcohol related, but instead coffee related and that i've had too much and now i have the caffeine shakes.  someone make me a shirt that reads "on mondays we get the caffeine shakes because hello i think the reason is obvious."
anyway. just a few things. i'm going to go ahead and try to adhere to some sort of posting schedule.  i'm thinking mondays, wednesdays, and fridays.  like for consistency but also because i think maybe it will hold me accountable.  probably not - but let's give it a whirl.
this post is going to be a jumble of a lot of things. on friday i went to a happy hour with a friend.  or so we thought it would be happy hour.  as in - their website said it was happy hour but then we got there and the waiter was all "we don't do happy hour on fridays" and i was all "please hold."
and then showed him on my phone where it said on their current and up to date website that it read "happy hour, monday through friday, 4:30-6:30" and he just like uncomfortably shrugged his shoulders and i was like "well maybe you should tell someone that your website says that but in fact there's not happy hour."  and he just uncomfortably shrugged again and whatever we stayed for dinner anyway but definitely weren't pleased but then became please after we ate.  so basically we're infants.

mac has always been weird. and he's been doing a lot more of sleeping on his back lately.  i read somewhere that it means he's super comfortable.
i'm still not all that comfortable constantly seeing his balls but oh well.

out of town shitler finally came back in town.

i know i've said that i absolutely adore when he's gone but sometimes things are just easier when he's around.  like when your car won't start twice in one week and the outside light burns out again and it's negative kajillion outside and you just want to give up on life because it's not that you can't do anything of those on your own but you have a husband for a reason and my reasoning for having one is to do all the crap i don't like and also have relations with and he's useless to me when he's not around to render said services.

also i bought a new shower curtain.

i bought it hoping it would drive shitler batty and make him regret ever marrying me (i say that lovingly because i like to keep him on his toes) but instead he fucking loved it, deemed it awesome, and then brainstormed her name.  tabitha cartwright.

if you follow me on instagram - sorry for the repeat of pictures.

also - wednesday i think i'm going to talk about this weird book series that i think i hate myself for reading and it's not even that good but i can't stop.  so stay tuned.  and stay weird.

p.s. whatever picture sizing consistency. 

Pro Party Planner: The App for Any and All Parties

There's probably nothing more enjoyable than a great dinner party or gathering with friends, as people come together and have fun catching up. Parties are a great chance for us to keep in touch with old friends, welcome back family members who have recently traveled, or even just celebrate an achievement. But truth be told, they're much more fun when you're a guest, and not the host.

Anyone who’s ever thrown a party – be it big or small – knows that it’s not all fun and games. There are so many things to put into consideration when planning a party, from the guest list to the budget, to the food you’ll be serving and even the decorations you’ll be putting up. It’s the same for any and all events, and if you’re new to planning a party, it’s normal to, at some point, feel like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.

Luckily, there are some apps that can help take away the stress of party planning. While our phones are still mainly used for messaging and social apps, research has shown that planning and productivity apps don’t fall too far behind, ranking 2nd in the most-used apps on smartphones. With the operators behind newly-launched gaming portal Spin Genie, claiming that “Growth in mobile internet is one of the most powerful trends in the internet landscape”, thanks to the adoption of smartphones. This has led to the development of much more streamlined apps, which accomplish what they’ve set out to do brilliantly.

Among the thousands of apps that promise to make party planning easier, Pro Party Planner definitely stands out. Why? Because it takes care of every aspect of the party planning process seamlessly, including seating arrangements, so you can do everything on your phone! Users can import table maps and add guests to the seat chart with a drag and drop tool, manage budgets and expenses, and even manage any other people helping to host the event.

All of your plans can be exported to PDFs or Google Docs for others to share, and you can even set reminders to help notify your assistants of tasks they need to accomplish as the day of the event rolls closer. You can also create a guest list on your app so you can easily contact any and all of your guests for updates, RSVPs, and requests. The app even lets you see how your place is going to look for your party. Simply upload images of your party space to the app, add in pictures of your decorations, and decorate the space inside the app itself. Pro Party Planner costs $4.99 on the iTunes App Store, but it’s an excellent investment, especially if you find yourself throwing parties often.
**this is a guest post from an affiliate.**

once upon a time we celebrated a birthday

you know what's great? knowing people for super long periods of time. like knowing shitler since i was fourteen?  fifteen?  i mean officially we met even younger on the swing sets but that's neither here nor there.  and even better than knowing shitler for that long is that i got to, by extension, know his family that long too.
so it's been, what feels like, forever and a day that i've known shitler's cousin, wendy. and it seems like we've been through it all too.  weddings, no carb diets, drinking benders, and that one time that shitler and i broke up for a bit in high school and i showed up to the movies wearing make up (which i never do) and shitler told wendy that i looked like a "slut" and then obviously wendy told me and to this day whenever i actually do wear make up wendy gleefully reminds me of the time that i wore make up to the movies and shitler called me a "slut."
but what's even better is that even if we weren't officially family i know we would obviously be the very best of friends.  i mean - the bitch owes me - since i introduced her to her husband.
so a couple weeks ago (and by couple of weeks i mean practically a month because i'm terrible at blogging) we traveled to shebagdad (sheboygan) to the blue harbor resort to celebrate wendalyn lou turning twenty-nine and there were plenty of shenanigans.  i have evidence.
first we stopped and marveled at the largest flagpole in the united states.

these two homeboys posed. one looks super thrilled.  like in a charles manson/serial killer sort of way.

once we were done being touristy and also patriotic we skipped straight to the shenanigans.

like weird posing and jumping on hotel beds.

we hit the indoor water park and played glow in the dark mini golf and over indulged in basically everything.  and then two men got ready for dinner and tried to behave like gentlemen.

p.s. my mom sewed me that bag above and shitler has commandeered it for his beard accessories. 

and i really only like this picture because of the creepy eyes in the background.

 and then shitler posed with his one boyfriend from college.

and then wendalyn lou finally blew out the candles on the birthday cake that shitler baked.

so that's it. a birthday celebration in all its glory.
p.s. here's a dog named uncle rico sitting in a cardboard box.  you're welcome.

snapchat snapshots

there was some sort of blizzard type thing that happened a couple of days ago here in the midwest. the snow piled up quite nicely and shitler forbid me to drive because of a previous incident (of which i will discuss later this week because it's still highly embarrassing).  so naturally i camped out on the couch for approximately nine hours and played cooking fever and binge watched the final season of parenthood (which i'm still emotional about and no i don't want to discuss it because i will burst into tears).  but also cooking fever.  it's taken over my life and shitler is constantly ridiculing me because i can't stop playing it and it usually leads me to ignoring/tuning shitler out and he doesn't like that one bit because he's a real attention whore.  which leads us to shitler repeatedly sending me snapchats on sunday while i was playing cooking fever.  which is rude because it kept popping up in the middle of my levels and it would frustrate me and shitler would gleefully smirk because he only wants me to fail at my cooking fever levels.
ladies (and some gentlemen that i know that read this) - my husband and his snapchat drawings of me.